Why is is that every time I am confronted, asked a question or even referenced it a conversation I loose all human ability to talk like a normal person and my whole face goes a bright shade of red?
Why is it that being able to recite a whole speech or essay doesn’t matter when the time comes to say it in class or in front of an audience?
Why is it that I can write all I want to say here but when it comes to expressing my opinion out loud I stutter and make not one bit of sense?
I always wonder why I can’t speak loudly in public, school especially.
I usually sit in the classroom with my face down to avoid eye contact with the teachers (some of whom I think actually have some sort of staring problem).This doesn’t mean I’m not learning in school but sometimes I do wish I had the confidence some of the other girls have when they start a debate with a teacher… or even speak full sentences without looking like there in pain.
Another perk I love which comes with this socially awkward gift is the ability to create the most interesting, compelling conversations… in my head.If I try to repeat these sentences with people out loud or in school it sounds like I barely have a grasp of the English language! I’m pretty sure I’ve had more conversations with myself in the past few months then with all 850 students and faculty members in my school.
I am completely comfortable with my immediate family but after that, my personality turns into that of a silent robot who just laughs and gives one-word answers (half of the time it’s not even a legible English word, sometimes ’em’, other times ‘eyeh’, but mostly ‘uhum’).
I have one proper friend who I have known for years and she understands that my social skills aren’t the greatest!She herself is a social butterfly who will literally have a conversation with anyone and everyone but unfortunately, her social skills haven’t rubbed off on me yet.
Although I do have these difficulties with talking, having conversations and just making eye contact in general, I’m not clinically diagnosed with social anxiety or anything (however Wikipedia would tell you otherwise).I like to think that I am just a socially awkward person who would rather stay at home instead of going out on a Friday night.
It’s who I am and I can only work to try to be more confident talking to people and making conversations, but for now I’m just that socially awkward girl!